The 5 Conversations Every Couple Should Have Before They Stop Having Them
As a wedding officiant, I stand with couples on one of the happiest days of their lives. They’re hopeful, in love, and ready to promise forever.
As a marriage coach, I sit with couples later—sometimes years later—when things feel heavier, quieter, or confusing.
And here’s what I’ve learned from both sides of the aisle:
Most marriages don’t struggle because couples stop loving each other.
They struggle because couples stop talking about the things that matter most.
Not all at once.
Not dramatically.
Just slowly… politely… with the best intentions.
These five conversations aren’t about fixing anything that’s broken. They’re about protecting the connection you already have—before silence, assumptions, or stress start doing the talking for you.
1. Money: Because It’s Never Just About Money
Money has a way of carrying emotions with it—security, fear, freedom, control, even love.
I’ve met couples who agree on budgets but feel totally disconnected about what money represents. One partner may crave safety. The other may crave flexibility. Neither is wrong—but unspoken differences can quietly create tension.
When couples stop talking about money, they don’t stop feeling about it.
Try starting here:
“What helps you feel financially secure—and what makes you anxious?”
That question alone can soften walls and open understanding.
2. Intimacy: More Than What Happens Behind Closed Doors
Intimacy is often the first thing couples stop talking about—and the first thing they miss.
Not because they don’t care…
But because it feels awkward, vulnerable, or easier to ignore.
Intimacy isn’t just physical. It’s emotional closeness. Feeling chosen. Feeling wanted. Feeling safe enough to say, “I miss you.”
A simple question can shift everything:
“When do you feel closest to me lately?”
No pressure. No expectations. Just connection.
3. Expectations: The Silent Marriage Agreements No One Signed
Most disappointment in marriage comes from expectations that were never spoken out loud.
Who does what.
How support should look.
What “showing up” means.
How much time together is enough.
When expectations stay unspoken, couples start unknowingly failing each other—and resentment quietly takes root.
Try this gentle check-in:
“Is there something you’re hoping I’d understand better about you right now?”
You may be surprised how relieving it feels to finally say it.
4. Conflict: Learning How to Disagree Without Disconnecting
Every couple argues. Healthy couples just know how to come back together afterward.
When couples stop talking about how they fight, conflict either gets avoided… or repeated.
The goal isn’t to win an argument.
It’s to protect the relationship while you’re in it.
A powerful question I often share with couples:
“What helps you feel heard when we disagree?”
That one question can completely change the tone of conflict.
5. Emotional Safety: The Conversation Beneath All the Others
Emotional safety is what allows every other conversation to exist.
It’s the feeling that you can be honest without being punished. Vulnerable without being dismissed. Imperfect without being shamed.
When emotional safety fades, couples don’t stop caring—they stop sharing.
Try asking softly:
“Is there anything you’ve been holding back because it feels hard to say?”
That question, asked with love, can be incredibly healing.
A Loving Reminder
Marriages don’t fall apart in one moment.
They drift in quiet spaces where conversations used to live.
The beautiful thing?
You can always begin again—with intention, curiosity, and compassion.
You don’t need a crisis to strengthen your marriage. Sometimes, you just need a safe place to talk—and someone to guide the conversation.
If you’d like support navigating these conversations together, I’d be honored to help.
Schedule a complimentary consultation, and let’s reconnect the heart of your marriage—one conversation at a time.